When I started this blog I told myself, and Mya, that I was going to be as honest with it as possible. I think I have so far and I promise to continue to do so. Many things in life right now are difficult and stress me out, but nothing causes me more grief and pain than my weight. I know most women are not happy with there weight, we all think we can lose a pound here or an inch there, but my weight is stressing me out. I’m so confident in my weight and how I look on the outside, but the inside of me is another story.
On the outside I’ve built up this exterior of pride in my BBW status. I brag about my plus size booty. Joke about being more to love. I’ve held up an exterior shell of a plus size diva. It’s not an act, I really do love my extra large butt, I’m super cuddly, and all I don’t have a problem with finding companionship. The outside of me is pretty happy! I even have a shirt that say “Still Fat Still Sexy Still Paid!” I ordered it from Juicy Body Goddess
The inside of me though… Well she isn’t as confident as the outside of me. Being overweight is making me miserable. I cannot bend over. I have to tie my shoe drop my shoe on the ground and then put it on, painting my own toes takes a miracle, getting into my dads car gets me out of breath, and let’s not even talk about amusement rides. I can’t run, standing for even 15 minutes tires me out, sitting down for too long hurts, and sitting up with out something to lean against hurts.
Medically I’m ok. I don’t have any major health issues, yet, but I do have G.E.R.D (chronic heartburn). Diabetes runs rampant through both sides of my family so I’m extremely high risk. I have high blood pressure but not often enough for them to put me on medicine. My bones ache and my feet hurt terribly, but I’m Fat so hey it’s expected or at least that’s what I’m told. I know that if I do not get my weight under control then. I will have serious medical issues. It’s inevitable.
With all this being said I’ve decided to lose weight. Don’t get me wrong the outside Fat girl is cringing. It’s like having a devil and an angel on your shoulder. The devil is telling me ” Girl you know you’re cute, your booty is POPPIN, and you are sexy!” But I have the angel on the other shoulder telling me “Although you are attractive you’re in pain and unhealthy, think of all you’re missing out on with the babies because of this weight!” I’m going to embark on this weight loss journey and take you all with me! It’s time to let it go! The kids are at this age where they are more active and want to do things like amusement parks, and if you are 280 and above I know you know the pain of trying to fit into a rollercoaster. I have to do this. I want to be alive for my great grand babies and I’ll be damned if me being fat is the reason I’m not around!!
I am excited about this journey and can’t wait to start it. I’m sure I’ll complain a lot and rant but in the end it’ll be worth it.