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growth

Proud to be a B.I.T.C.H.

At this point in my life I’ve dedicated myself to raising my children and providing a better future for them. I have no time or tolerance for anything or anyone that interferes with this plan. I have become a B.I.T.C.H. and I am proud of it. Let me explain.

A B.I.T.C.H is a Beauty In Total Control of Her life.  I am proud (these days) to be a B.I.T.C.H. I am not here for anyone’s interference with my happiness, health or growth. I won’t play second string when I’m a first string player, I won’t allow messy people to have an ounce of strength in my mental, physical or spiritual health. So I have built an armor around my life and kids, I am a B.I.T.C.H.

It has taken me at least 25 years to build myself up to this point. I have suffered with anxiety and depression most of my life and used to die a little inside wanting the approval and friendship of people.  My happiness was wrapped in the approval of everyone else. Even when I acted like I didn’t care, I did. I’m not saying I’ve developed the thickest of skin or am the best at using my Bitchy armor but I’ve become pretty great at it. Here’s how!

Meditation! Meditation! Meditation! It has gotten me through some pretty rough patches this past year. I’m not an expert, most of the time I fall asleep, but calming my brain and having an internal dialogue with myself has proven to help with not allowing people to make me miserable. I usually tune everything out and repeat in my head over and over I AM IN CONTROL OF MY HAPPINESS. Nobody else has the right to take that from me. If I’m in love with a decision that’s my right and nobody can make me feel less than important or like I’m wrong for following my heart. I’m not 100% at the point where I don’t need approval but I’m getting there. Parental approval is the biggest struggle.

Get rid of toxic people. The Naysayers, the liars, the hypocrites, the Debbie Downers and the “Still People.”  I had to get rid of the toxic around me, and in some cases that meant losing some long time friends.  I really had to step back and reevaluate my life, like “Victoria, Honey, this person is holding you back, your relationship with this individual or these individuals, is really keeping you stuck in a place that’s unhealthy.” Not everyone in your life knows they are toxic and you may be toxic to someone who you are unaware of, but you have to get rid the bad vibes in order to be a B.I.T.C.H.  The most important part of ridding the toxics out of your life is ridding yourself of the “Still” People, the people who are happy standing still, not reaching for anything better, that are happy being complacent.  I had to align myself with individuals that thought like me, that want to improve at life and that had good intentions for me and them.

Random Meme that’s been in my phone forever! I didn’t make it up!

The last thing I have been working on, and that has held up my Bitchy armor, is standing firm in what I say.  I have to say what I mean and mean what I say.  I have been so worried about hurting others feelings that I wore myself out. I hated saying “No” because I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.  But who was really there for me? Nobody! I couldn’t ask anyone for help.  I couldn’t even express my hurt, anger or disappointment with anyone, without it feeling like I was committing a crime.  So I have practiced saying No and not giving an excuse along with it.  You would think that being a mother saying No or expressing my displeasure with someone would come naturally, but it doesn’t.  I think I have rid my life of more toxic people using this Bitchy armor, than anything else I have done.

During the process of improving life and increasing my happiness I have lost plenty.  I barely have a circle of friends any more. I can count on one hand how many people I consider to be friends, and they are more like family.  I have been outcast and shoved to the side because I do not partake in the shenanigans any more.  I do not entertain gossip, if I feel one ounce of hate or drama I will cut you off so smooth you’ll think I vanished of the face of the earth.  Being a B.I.T.C.H doesn’t have to be something negative, you don’t have to treat people badly or with hatred.  Being a B.I.T.C.H is knowing what you want, who you want to be, standing firm in your happiness and not allowing anything or anyone to shake it.  You don’t have to have it altogether, Lord knows I don’t, but working toward your goals and happiness makes you a B.I.T.C.H and you should be proud of it I am!!

Love always,

~Victoria~

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Blurred Vision 

Today while surfing the pages and statuses of Facebook I came across my favorite page “Single Dad Laughing.” This is my go to page for all things parenting meme’s and funny meme’s. Well while on there I came across this Meme: 

Picture found on Single Dad Laughing Page on Facebook

Sometimes we find these quotes and memes on the internet that just speak to your soul. This was what happened today. After spending the day yesterday mad about a petty argument with my sister and speaking with my friend about wanting to focus on growth and change in my life, I figured the powers that be wanted me to see this. 

My eyes are telling me to focus on the bigger picture, literally and figuratively. Stop giving my time and energy to the smallest things.  I’ve spent the better half of my adult life stressing and having anxiety over the pettiest of issues and details when I need to focus on the important things. It’s just funny something as random as a Facebook quote can remind you that your vision is blurred for a reason. 

~Victoria~

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