Mom moments

Cherishing the sleepless nights

The day I brought my son home from the hospital, after a week long NICU stay, I decided my anxiety was far to bad to allow him to sleep alone. So I decided to let him sleep with us in my bed. I even bought a thing that was hard around three sides and had a flat mattress like pad in it so that I wouldn’t roll on him. 

Two years later, after a 94 day NICU stay, my daughter came home. Now she was still on oxygen and monitoring devices so letting her sleep in the bed was not an option. However, Dj was still sleeping with me and when I moved to my condo eventually Peanut made her way to the bed too. 

During a brief break up with their father I had gotten them to the point where I could put them to sleep and carry them to there own beds but it still required them to start in my bed. I literally had to go to therapy to get over the anxiety of them going to bed crying because mom was making them go to bed alone and they are in there own bed. 

Now that they are seven and eight they go to bed on there own and sleep in there own room. I must admit it’s pretty nice. Wonderful feeling stretching out across your bed and not having a toe up your nostril. Being able to have the covers to myself and the fan on full blast is a little slice of heaven. 

Since I’ve moved back home it’s more often than not, that at least Peanut will come crawling into my bed. Today she came around two in the morning, bright eyed and bushy tailed. Like little girl I have to be up in three hours and so do you. If you follow me you know I downsized to a twin in order to have more space in my room. So I have no clue how she thought my fat behind and her wild sleeping tail were going to fit. 

I cherish these moments though. The moments I wake up with toes in my face and a whole kid laying across me. I may be tired but I know these moments will become fewer as the years go on. I know the sleepless nights won’t be because I have two kids fighting in there sleep to be next to me. So today as I barely make it through work and an endless array of chores, I have to stop and be thankful for the nights like these. Plus I have plans for revenge as they grow older.


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Creating my own space

About six months ago I hit rock bottom. It was time to renew my lease on a home I already was struggling to pay rent in and of course they wanted to increase the rent by about 100 dollars. My car was destroyed on the inside, thanks to an altercation with my kids father, and needed several hundred dollars worth of work. I was behind on payments and up for tag renewal. So with all that going on I decided to swallow pride and asked to move back to my dads house. 

Since we have been living here it has been a struggle trying to find my own little space to make my own. There are three adults and two, sometimes four, kids living here. The entire house is dedicated to my kids and I definitely wouldn’t want to rearrange a space that’s my Step Mom’s. Needless to say I have made my nest under Elsa sheets, Princess Sophia Curtains and a twin bed on the floor in the corner of my daughters room. 

Don’t get me wrong I’m beyond grateful for any space in the house. Put me on a couch I’m good, but I needed a ME space. A space where I can just relax and vibe out, especially on days where Depression sits on my shoulder. My step mom, whom we call BooBoo, is completely for a redecorating project so yesterday I did just that!! 

It’s nothing special. I spent altogether about $200 dollars. I bought two nightstands (the most expensive items) bed rails and a nice bed spread. Rearranged what I could in “My Room” and Voilà! I have a small slice of heaven. It’s not much but I finally have my ME space. It’s my corner of the world to meditate, study, write and snuggle with my Lovebugs, and I still have my Sophia curtains per Peanuts request!  It’s my Balance amongst the Hysteria! 

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